New Years Resolutions

I have been an on and off gym user since my college years and the shit that I see there makes for pretty good stories. Back in college I would work out at the fitness center on campus. It was full of sorority girls dressed in tiny shorts with their Greek letters plastered across their ass and in full makeup that provided me with the most entertainment. My friend Adam would thank God for these girls on a daily basis. Then there were the meat-heads that would stare at said sorority girls and grunt real loud so you knew how much weight they were lifting.

It wasn't until I started working out at a 24hour Fitness that I realized the full potential of entertainment that the gym has to offer. I once saw a guy in Dockers, a polo shirt and gardening gloves lifting weights. The best part is I saw it more than once which leads me to believe it wasn't a dare and he does this on a regular basis. Another time I saw a very large woman in cutoff jean shorts, a spaghetti string tank-top, and no sports bra. This was clearly her first time. I've seen people fall off treadmills and guys shamelessly hitting on girls and more recently other guys. I figure I go to one of the more eccentric gyms and I should write about what I see.

Since it's January many people have resolved to lose weight. This is the year that they are going to do it and they must start now. Most avid gym users are annoyed by sudden influx of people that don't know how to use the equipment but I see it as an opportunity to laugh...a lot. I want to start off the new year with the shit I saw the other night at the gym and hopefully others will find this just as entertaining as I do.

The other night I was on the escalator to hell (the never ending staircase where if you're not careful you will trip and become one of my stories) because I am running 53 flights of stairs in a month and I need the practice. So, I was on the stairs and in front of me was a guy in super short, spandex hot-pants working his thing on the elliptical. He leans over and hits on the guy next to him, gets rejected, and turns to the guy on the other side of him and tries his luck again. Some people have no shame and according to Missed Connections all the gay hook-ups happen in the locker room. Poor guy didn't know better and that's why I love the gym in January.